Wednesday, December 4, 2013

No Want

Christmas time always had a different feel from the rest of the year growing up – we definitely did more together as a family, there were longer conversations, my dad worked a bit less and my two older brothers and my younger sister and I spent hours playing hockey in the basement or 2 on 2 football in the back yard. Cares that quietly burdened my heart through the year were pushed into the corners during those times.

I was 16, both brothers were away at college and had some other plans that were going to limit their time at home during Christmas, the house felt too quiet and the cares and pains felt heavier. It seemed nothing was happening in preparation for Christmas so I told my mom I was going to take care of everything. I purchased a tree, put it up with its decorations, hung fresh wreaths inside and outside and covered our many pine trees along the driveway with lights and strings of popcorn and cranberries. I was desperate to make a time of "feeling good" happen – to meet my needs and what I thought my family needed. But – as we all know – those moments pass and we are left once again to face our days.

The song we sang in church the other day by Audrey Assad really took hold of me…

From the love of my own comforts
From the fear of having nothing
From a life of worldly passions
From the need to be understood
From the need to be accepted
From the fear of being lonely
Deliver me, O God

Every statement rang true for me - as they always have. I can work so very hard to meet or resolve those things in my own way and through my own striving but the fears and needs remain and holding them is unsatisfying and crippling.

And I shall not want, no I shall not want
When I taste Your goodness, I shall not want!

The chorus isn’t something “to do” but rather a declaration of what is true. As a child of God, as one who can say that Jesus is Immanuel – God is with me - it is a chorus to sing over and over and over – The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want! Though the struggles or pain or temptations or fears may often still whisper to me, there is peace and rest with the One who always cares for my soul.

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